lelah .

saya lelah membaca tanda-tanda . saya lelah dengan semua firasat . saya lelah dengan semua pemikiran .
saya lelah menyalahkan diri sendiri . saya lelah menuruti logika . saya lelah menjadi kuat . oops, ironis . maksudnya, saya lelah berpura-pura menjadi kuat, begitu ? hah hha
saya lelah untuk peduli pemikiran orang . cih, bahkan saya lelah untuk peduli dengan pemikiran saya sendiri . saya lelah dengan pemikiran saya tentang apa pemikiran orang tentang saya .

saya butuh refreshing ..


Angel

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay
There's always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line
And everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
And the storm keeps on twisting
You keep on building the lie
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference
Escaping one last time
It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh
This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel
Fly away from here
From this dark cold hotel room
And the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage
Of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort there
You're in the arms of the angel
May you find some comfort here



yah, saya memang lelah .
namun tidak berarti saya berhenti .

october ..

october ..
i used to think that's a beautiful name .
i don't think so now ..
this month screw me up and down . i never realize it .. until yesterday . i realized, deep down inside of me

i hate fire
in the night
of october

i hate it .

it's been almost a year .
and what i have now is not so less than the last one .

but still ..
something is missing . something isn't comfortable . something is keeping scratching my heart .

something is hurting .


well, doesn't mean i hate my birthday .. i just try not to think much about it . well, it's not only about what i mean up there, but also the day . my mother is going out of town, my sister will go home late and my father will be busy either .
i just don't see how my birthday this year can be good .
have any idea ?