what a planned day ..

teaser kemaren ? lupakan, saudara-saudara . oh well, sebenernya gw mau nulisnya lebih sarkatis lagi, tapi berhubung gw buru2 dan ga mood .. just straight to the main topic . however, i've promised you how yesterday went on .

kalau kalian membaca post sebelumnya, kalian akan tau bahwa kemarin, saya seharusnya melakukan 3 hal yang agak spesial . yaitu nonton, yang seharusnya harry potter and the deathly hallows part 2, di fx, sendirian . itu, ga jadi . kenapa ? karena gw udah ke fx dan .. harpot udah ditarik dari peredaran . gw cek web 21cineplex, dibilang tinggal di pluit junction . so, no thanks .
juga seharusnya ada urgent meeting . yup, meeting yang diadakan oleh tim survey hw pkmj kemaren . seharusnya kemarin kami membahas mengenai villa dan sponsor .. tetapi rapat dicancel . dan ketiga, seharusnya kan gw ketemu sepupu gw tuh ya .. tapi ternyata ada salah informasi . kata nyokap, dia baru dateng senin, kira2 . so, kemarin gw juga ga ketemu sepupu gw deh .

itu laporan saya untuk hari jumat kemarin . hari yang tidak berjalan terlalu lancar, mengingat mood yang langsung memburuk karena tidak bisa menyaksikan si daniel radcliffe berlaga di layar segede-gede gaban depan gw .. oh well, whatever .

yasuwd, gw mesti cepet2 balikin lappy ke bawah, sebelum kena semprot bonyok . gw kan mesti menjaga kepercayaan mereka agar bisa memboyong si lappy terus ke kamar gw .. so sleep tight ! adios !

teaser of 'first time: watch alone'

so i wait for my movie to be played . i look around, and i know none . hell, i've never gone to this place before -____- but this place is the nearest one . there's no way i'm gonna go to pluit, or gading .
actually, if i re-think about it, it's quite funny . you can say i'm pretty brave .. but you can't say i'm a happy lonely traveler . usually i don't like to visit a new place . either i don't like walking around alone . so this time, for the first time i'm gonna go to somewhere new, be alone there, and watch alone . fuhh ..

all these things happen because ..

.


what do you think about this teaser ? it should be done today . i'm not excited, but it doesn't mean i'm unhappy . today i also have an urgent meeting and a cousin to hook up with . the routine is coming in, i think . vacation .. is really over .

let's see how today gonna work for me . i'll tell you guys, no worries (:


so .. shall we ?

what does it feel like to be in love ?

a lot of stuffs bother me, and sometimes i get jealous, not to mention nervous and worried . but all in all, i love him and want to help him, and he truly is very important to me . that's where i'm at right now . even when we're apart, i feel close to him, and he supports me .
i'm happy just knowing he exists .

i think ran thinks so too .



and .. what's my answer, you think ? ;)

image

you know, life can be sooo easy . the complicated one is just the mind . would you like an example ? okay, let me give you one shot .

i have my life . and people around me, including you, see it . and if you care enough, which i guess you already do that since you read my blog right now, you'll have your own image of me . each of you can have sort of different concept of that image, but it's slightly same .
so .. here is the deal . i, we, can see what image they've created for us . somehow and sometimes, it's good . it's really good, that we'd like to keep them have that image on us . and then, time goes by . see, everything is relative . human can change in one second . then one day, let's just say that image is kind of preventing us on showing something . we get to watch our words and acts, because we don't want them to change that image of us they have .


do you guys get the case ? i know some of you, even most of you, will say why i do that . i shouldn't hide my own self, friendship shouldn't be based on fake fact, showing true self is much better either for me or for them, blablabla .
that's not wrong . that's absolutely right . is there else ? tell me .
but i get to say ..
it's interesting .

see how people get charmed on unusual side is interesting . it's fun to be someone else for a while you know, although i don't mean being my true self isn't good enough . it's not about goodness or badness .. it's just the fun i'm looking for (:


am i weird ? keeping that image isn't easy . for example, i don't write posts i really think because that image i want to keep . relax, this post and the rest aren't fake . i just don't write down the naked things, or if i write it down, i'll censor or use another words .

the funny thing is .. one day i read a comic . if i don't mistake it, the title is love egoist . the comic tells a girl who hides her bad personalities behind the image of perfect smart beautiful student and a teacher who hides behind his personalities too . both of them know their real personalities and it makes them close . and then, the student fall in love with this teacher . this teacher actually starts loving her too, but he finds out he changes now because of that girl, and he tries to ignore her because he is uncomfortable with the changes . of course we can guess the ending of this story . the teacher realizes his true feeling and they date . happy ending .

one small quote that got my attention .. they say(i don't really remember)

in this wicked world .. if we can show the true color only to the one we love .. isn't it beautiful?

at the end, they start revealing their true personalities to the world . they really change .. because they love .

so .. will this habit of mine, playing with images when i get the mood, change ? or should i find my love first ? ;)

respect

in my heart and in my mind, i'll always remember to respect you . in any case, i'll try my best to show my respect for you . respect, for i know who you are, will be the base of every acts, words, feelings and thoughts toward you .



it's sad you don't respect my respect . our respect .


you act stubbornly . you say things before you think of them carefully . you ignore people's feelings . you think low on us .

are you satisfied with the way you act now ? does it taste that good ? are we that bad ? must you treat us so ?
i've been thinking .. and up until now, i don't understand your mind . i doubt your motivation . if what pass my mind, what people agree to are true .. that's too bad .

i want to believe the best in you .
but what i want doesn't matter at all, right ?

respect is respect . it's the base .
and for you, i give my respect .

berpengaruh .

sepertinya gw sedang dalam bijak mode on . oh mungkin karena bokap gw yang lagi berada di samping gw sambil mengawasi apa yang gw kerjakan dengan lappy ini .. oops, dia pergi . tingkat kesadaran bijak gw langsung menurun :D

kali ini, topik yang gw angkat adalah pengaruh . apa kalian memiliki orang-orang yang bisa memberi pengaruh dalam hidup kalian ? setidaknya keluarga dan orang yang disukai lah ya . tetapi apakah kalian menyadari bahwa kalian juga memiliki pengaruh dalam hidup orang lain ?

dalam kegiatan mpa (sejenis mos kampus) jurusan, gw didaulat menjadi sie kedisiplinan . aslinya, seksi marah2 . hari kamis kemarin kami mengadakan briefing dengan para maba (mahasiswa baru) . acaranya perkenalan panitia, pemberitahuan tugas dan tatib mpa dan juga pelatihan yel yel . sejak dari awal, sie kedisiplinan ini sudah *berusaha* menciptakan suasana tegang *yang tampaknya agak efektif* . mulai dari saat pemilihan ketua angkatan, digunakan nada dingin *gw, kak utari* maupun nada jutek *kak damay* atau nada mengintimidasi *icha* . puncaknya saat pelatihan yel-yel .
gw sedang berjalan-jalan sambil mengawasi latihan yelyel yang agak tidak bersemangat itu . hingga samapailah gw di barisan paling depan, dan bertemu muka dengan seorang maba yang sudah agak 'famous' karena kesombongannya saat wawancara bem jurusan . gw sebenarnya tidak mau ambil pusing kalau dia sombong, well here is jakarta so it's so common . tapi si anak ini gerakannya ga bersemangat dan ga nyanyi pula . alhasil, gerakan teman2 di belakang si doi ini juga ikut2an ancur . gw liatin, dan di situ gw bentak yang kalau ga salah, " kamu ! kenapa gerakannya masih jelek banget begitu ! sudah di paling depan .. diperhatikan tidak saat diberi contoh ?!"
anak itu diam mematung . ga mematung deng, karena abis itu gw liat dia jadi agak 'trembling' gitu . pikir gw, wah wah bahaya nih .. akhirnya gw kasi alesan dengan nada yang gw lunakkan, "kamu itu ada di paling depan . tunjukkan gerakan yang terbaik . teman2 kamu yang di belakang mencontoh kamu, paham ?" baru di situ dia agak 'sadar' dan sedikit menyantai, terus bisa jawab iya .

kita punya pengaruh . kata2 yang kita keluarkan punya pengaruh . terutama, kepada mereka yang menganggap kita kakak atau senior mereka . ketika gw main2 ke ekskul paskib di sma, gw ketemu denga para junior gw . mereka nanya gw kuliah di mana dan gw jawab di unj dengan nada kasual, karena gw tau itu unj tidak seprestisius ui misalnya, walau gw sendiri bukan tipe yang ambil pusing dengan hal seperti itu . tetapi mereka menatap gw dengan takjub karena gw berhasil masuk universitas negeri, dan kemudian asyik menanyakan di mana gw les dulu, gw dapat bocoran dari mana, blablabla .

ada juga teman gw, yang juga menganggap gw kakak, dan sepertinya bisa menelan mentah2 saran, kritikan atau pujian saat ia 'agak' tertekan . dan kita semua punya pengaruh itu kepada orang lain, tetapi kita dan orang itu belum tentu menyadarinya . setelah gw menyadari pengaruh ini, gw merasakan juga beratnya tanggung jawab yang harus diterima . tapi di situlah letak kedewasaan yang sesungguhnya diuji . bukan dari banyaknya orang yang menerima pengaruh, tetapi bagaimana kita bisa mempertanggungjawabkan pengaruh itu .



well well well .. kayaknya gw sedang dalam sotoy mode . honestly, gw sudah pusing selama 3 hari belakangan ini .. :)
jadi mohon maaf kalau postingan agak sotoy dan sangat tidak sesuai kenyataan .. di mana di sini saya seolah2 sangat bijak padahal tidak ...*bow
tetapi sampai jumpa di postingan sotoy berikutnya ! :D

xoxo