#MenujuLucidDream

Kemarin, gue tidur siang.

Salah satu hal yang gue sadari, gue cenderung mengalami mimpi saat tidur siang dibandingkan malam.

Yap, siang kemarin pun gue ngalamin mimpi.

Gue bukan mau cerita soal jalan cerita lengkap mimpinya, karena gue lupa. Tapi yang mau gue ceritain, gue sadar di mimpi itu.

Jadi, di dalam mimpi, saat gue lagi jalan kaki yang sepertinya mau pulang (entah kosan atau memang rumah), gue menyadari kalau ini mimpi. Gue inget gue sadar ini mimpi, kalau ga salah karena gue inget ingetan gue di dunia nyata, dan dunia ini terlalu berbeda dengan dunia yang gue inget, dan gue ga inget kenapa tiba2 gue bisa ada di situasi ini. Nangkep? Semoga lah ya sejauh ini masi nangkep.

Lalu, gue jadi bersemangat. Kalau gue sadar ini dunia mimpi, gue bisa melakukan apa pun yg gue mau! Lalu gue berpikir untuk menyusun sesuatu yang dapat menyambut gue di rumah, or tempat tujuan gue nanti. Tetapi entah kenapa otak gue kaya ga mampu membentuk gambaran yang jelas. Gue bayangin muka orang, dan bayangan gue itu kabur. Dan, gue ga berhasil menciptakan situasi yang gue pengen di mimpi itu.

Sekarang, kalau dipikir2 gue melakukan kesalahan fatal sih.

Pertama, kenapa gue ngebayangin sesuatu untuk menyambut gue di rumah? Ini mimpi coy! Ga penting lagi tujuan yang gue punya sebelum gue sadar. Seharusnya gue langsung aja mauk ke salah satu rumah yang ada di mimpi gue itu dan langsung menciptakan dunia baru. Damn.

Kedua, gue mencoba menciptakan sesuatu dari imajinasi gue. Seharusnya gue langsung menciptakan dari ingatan aja, yang udah jelas dan ada di otak. Gue tinggal narik "blueprint" dari memori dan "cetak" ke dunia mimpi. Damn. Ngide banget emang angela sok2an pake imajinasi...

Anyway, kemajuan lah ya. Gue udah beberapa hari ini mencoba kalau tidur make musik lucid dream. So far ga ada yang berhasil. Mungkin emang seharusnya gue nyoba lagi pas tidur siang.

See ya on another post, and happy December!

that's what she said

Quick story:
I was scrolling down the pinterest last night, when I stumbled upon a interesting fact. Apparently, the birth flower of October is Calendula.

'warm and undying love, grief and sorrow'

Despite the bright marigold symbolising the warmth of the sun, the flower is also associated with funerals in many parts of the world, often being placed on graves.

I couldn't describe it any better than that. No wonder I found myself such a paradox at times!

P.S: I felt like I could write it down any better, grammatically and what not, since i'm sure there should be a pattern of the adverbs used in the sentence...forget it.

 

Wall

So, I just had my 26th birthday.

I know it's been such a long time, and I do think I should start doing this again. Writing blog.

Actually, I wrote a post right on my birthday. It is a really depressing one, I should say. But looking at my previous post, I thought I shouldn't post that. This blog would be a really weird place if I placed all my thoughts unfiltered. Well, that's one of its purpose, but I intend to make this a memory store. What would I think later when I open this and all I find is unfiltered, kind of depressing thoughts? Surely my future self would be confused.

Anyway, there is one thing I have in my mind these days. It was also the overall theme of my unpublished post.
It is about wall.

Long story short, I have a wall. Well, everybody has their own wall. I just didn't know how to break mine and was scared I would never be able to tear it down.

I still don't know, actually. But after a while, I realized that it is just something I don't know. Not knowing something is scary. But knowing that you don't know about something is actually just a temporary state. As time goes on, as long as you try, you'll know more. Well, what you know could be wrong, but sometimes it could be right.

Right now, I want to know how to tear this wall. It's scary, but it's in my nature to find out about this, because it's about me. It should be an amusing journey!

A wall is basically there to protect me. I know.
It has protected me from people, including myself. I didn't dwell too long on my sadness. I wasn't that bothered with what people do to me, and if I did, it didn't last that long.
But this wall also caged me with my own thoughts.
And they are viscious creatures.

Yeah, I'm scared to deal with my emotions more often maybe...
But I'm more scared to stay longer in this whirlpool of mind.

To be reminded of all the hurt I had, so when another hurt comes, I'm used to it.

To hear my mind divided into several voices, all analyzing, critizing, arguing, basically fighting with each other.

To select and knit pieces of truth, so when people come, all they get is less than a veil of myself.
To be panicked inside as I saw myself did this but couldn't change it even if I wanted to.


Well, look at that. Another depressing post.
Seriously, I need to tear this wall apart. A past needs to remain as past, the only piece I need is the lesson from it. My mind needs to think about other more important things, voices fighting in my head doesn't really help with anything. Truth shouldn't be knitted. I think it's another form of lies and I don't like lying.

Sounds clear, right?
Absolutely not. Seriously, how do I suddenly think that way? Theories are there, but doing it is another matter.
But, I'll make changes. I'll make dents. Brick by brick. Thoughts by thoughts. Mind pattern by mind pattern.


Happy adulting!
Or happy wrecking ball? Eww, miley.