We Don't Talk Anymore by Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez

 I wonder, will I feel any different later when I’m 38 years old?

 

Nah, let’s just update my life.

 

I have moved in a new place.

So far, it’s fine. The kitchen is closer, the bathroom has hot water, the room is fine.

Well, I lost my key already, so…

Ah, I also got a lift from my friend to work every day. It’s really convenient.

 

I also just had my birthday earlier this week.

Surprisingly, a bunch of people sent their regards in the form of food or drinks to me. I was just swamped with the amounts of food this week. So, what a full one!

I haven’t bought any present for myself. I also am looking for ideas what kind of presents I want to ask from my family. So far I got one present in the form of stuff.

This year is just abundant.

 

I wasn’t as crazy as I thought. Earlier this month, I was showing symptoms of last year, which quiet scared the hell out of me.

Thankfully, it subsided.

Now, what’s left is just usual melancholy and weird urge to play “we don’t talk anymore” over and over again.

It’s okay, tho. I just really like the song even without this certain birthday. I think it’s a perfect narrative to my idea of roman so far.

Yes, I do aim for unfloweriness with a pinch of bleakness and heart wrenching moments.

Now, if only I find a way t just write that.

 

Anyway, this is my quick update. Hopefully I will meet you guys with more important or at7 least eloquent posts later.

 

Prost!

Moving Out

 I plan to move out from my current room into a new room. Planning to move out is really not easy. I used to think I will gladly live in my current room for the rest of my stay here in Bandung. The overall house is just so pretty and comfortable, I like my room and the bathroom inside as well.

It turns out, it wasn't enough.

The catalyst of me moving out is when my fan broke down. The fan couldn't spin anymore, so it could only blow the air in one direction. Since a few months ago when the WFH started, I always stayed at home. Of course, since I lived in a tropical land, I always turned on my fan. It didn't work to face the fan to the wall, because it wasn't enough.

Yes, I let the fan hit my body directly for months.

I have to say, my body aches in a few places right now. I feel uncomfortable all around and it just sucks.

That's why I decided to move to a new room with AC in it, hopefully to lessen my body problem.

The new room is way smaller, the bathroom is also outside. I will also not get the beautiful view I could get from my former room.

Still, right now, my health is the priority. Looking at the new room, there is no excitement at all, but a hope to feel better. It's enough for now.

Slippery

So, since I posted the last one, I didn't post something daily.

To be honest, I didn't write something daily either.

But, every day, I have something I want to write.

Yeah, pouring your thoughts into writing isn't easy.

Do you know what else is hard?

Posting what you wrote.

I do realize, now all my thoughts are gold. Some are just pure mud. Dirty, futile, slippery.

So, don't hold onto it.

Riverdale

 As of two days ago, I was watching Riverdale. I haven't finished them and I haven't even continued watching since last night, when I discovered, there will be ongoing seasons. 

They story has actually cliched story. The story begun in a small town called Riverdale. A secret, major, murder case launched this story. Then, there would be a new students. There was a couple of childhood friends with unrequited crush. The one friend dated the students, while the other one was left broken hearted. Eventually the broken hearted one would move on with another friend. Then, there were dysfunctional families. There were harmonious families with some deeply rooted troubles issues. An obvious villain who wasn't not that obvious.

Lame.

What kept me going the first, because I liked the characterizations. Nah, it's not because their acting is awesome. It's also not because they all have such wonderful, polished characters.

No.

It's because, you're not sure who you like.

There is no total, major protagonist in my opinion. All of them have dimensions.  Some of them totally stupid, some of them quiet interesting.

I'm not sure who to like. So, I like these them as a whole set.

Still, because of the cliche, the stupid characters, cringey teenager scenes, they bore me.

That's also why I haven't continued my binge watching. I was stuck at Season 2.

One of the most memorable scene was when FP told Jughead to never stop writing, despite their gang life. Jughead replied that he wrote every day.

So, based on that moment, I decided to start writing every day. Every day. Every thing. Not just a rant. Not just when I get the mood. Not just when I have a story.

I don't know how long I would be able to keep this decision, but I have to start somewhere, right?

Hopefully this will also help me with my other writing.

Anyway, I can say you should start watching Riverdale if you are still at school. It would be fun and engaging for you lot, I think.

Prost,

Ael.

a rant.

these past  few weeks have just been quiet annoying.

so, my gastric acid or whatever it was, was messing around. and it was annoying. well, it still is annoying.

and of course because of this problem, i couldn't really enjoy 2 things i really love, sambal and coffee.

actually, i wasn't really good at handling spicy foods. but, as i kept trying, i think my spice tolerance has been rising up. now, i can enjoy spicy foods more. the problem is, i like my palate to be savory and salty and sometimes the sambal cut back some of the saltiness. so yeah, i still love sambal whenever i found one suited to my taste, but i could live without them.

until i wasn't allowed to have them at all.

it sucks, it sucks, it sucks.

but, what else can i do?

seriously, this year's whole team could be just about holding back.

so many wants tempt me all around this year. since i lived by myself now, it's easier for me to fall back. of course, the limitations everywhere due to this pandemic didn't really help.

i prefer distractions when i have troubling thoughts. the distractions are mostly not human, since human just add more troubling thoughts later. but now i couldn't really go anywhere because of this pandemic and i just don't like it.

ugh, my english is just worsening now.

yeah, the point is, i am tempted to do things i don't suppose to do.

i miss coffee.

i just want to smoke.

i want to slap a few people. with chairs. (because, you know, corona)

i want to slap a lot of people.

i want to kick myself.

i want to curse and cuss out loud.

i want to respond back with unfiltered mouth whenever their stupidity pokes me. 

see? not a lot of good things.

what is this post about now? another rant? another whining?

sorry, internet, i have nothing to say to people.

moral of the story: i need coffee.

one less friend

Can I say something bad?

I kind of don't really want to be friends with you anymore.
It's not you, it's me.
It's just...I'm bored to be your friends. I'm bored to be around you, to talk with you, to hang out with you, etc.
You always choose the most boring response I ever imagined in my head. Which is understandable and normal thing for people, but you see, I actually already had expectations on you.
It turned out you didn't meet it and I feel bored being with you.

So, really it's my fault.
Since it happened this way...Can we stop being friends?


Funny I asked this way since you don't even really fit my friend qualification.
Then, it's settled. Nice knowing you, acquaintance.

excerpt.

"There were times when I desperately needed you. There were times when I had this crazy feeling to abandon everything and pursued you once more. But what could I do? What can we do now, when we are already at this point?"

I caught my breathe. No, don't say it. Don't even think about it, even when it's too late already. Those what-ifs, those lingering thoughts already sneaked in and poisoned my mind with false hope and sickeningly sweet memories.

"Get a grip. Don't waste what you have by lingering on what we used to have. It's past its due date."

I turned on my heel and marched through the door.

Why does it always turn to be this way?

Once again I show you my back.

Once again I hide these tears from you.

just a cringey excerpt i just found.

when did i write this anyway?? eww.

virus

the world is buzzing with the new virus break, Corona.
doesn't it sound like a pretty girl's name? Corona. maybe i thought so because lately i watched Once Upon A Time series. say what you want, but Cora is one badass girl. she is the mother to the Evil Queen and the Wicked Witch of Oz, also happens to be the Queen of Heart as well. she also seduced the Dark One, after all.
seriously, badass.

okay, let's go back to Corona stuff.
would i be one of the people who get infected. would i die because of this illness?
i simply don't know.
all i know is, i'm tired of watching the news. this world is just burning so close to the end, i feel tired of the scenes already.
is my mood bad due to my period? but it just ended.
well, it just prove how vile my mood and mind actually are. yeay.

what do i wanna say again?
ah yeah, at first, i want to talk about how this virus outbreak should have woken us up about the quality of education in this beloved +62 country.
but..too lazy. perhaps later?

so, this is me, just checking out with the noisiest news in the moment, corona virus attack.
maybe i'll come back later to finish my thought, or maybe with thew news it has passed, or without news since i got in the crossfire...
whatever.


prost to life and whatever is left of it,
ael.

january

so it's a new post on january. how quaint.

my 2019 resolution was to finish writing a novel.
it failed. spectacularly.
so, i will bring the 2019 resolution into 2020 and hopefully finish it.

the novel was the same. i admit, i was very much tempted to write another one, but i tried to hold on. no matter how many new ideas i have for new novels, i must finish this first.
reason?
it has most progress.

there are some plans already mapped out for this year.
4 of my good friends plan to get married this year, so, yeah.
my plan to look for magister program.
trip plans.
a self upgrade plan.

my world is still confusing and messy, but I figure I couldn't stay the same forever.
those i was counting on to never change have changed away...it made me a bit lonely.
still, i should be grateful. i wasn't the best person ever, but looking back, there is no decision i regret.
seriously though, my mind was running wild last year. the crazy ideas i almost applied were just...reckless.

anyway, let's just grow up. try to be a better version of myself. try to be a more mature person at heart, while still maintaining the wandering, wondering mind.

good luck for 2020!

prost,
angela