i was reading a book, titled antologi rasa, when i found an interesting quote. later, i tweeted that quote.
as we grow up, we learn that even one person that wasn't supposed to ever let us down, probably will.
at that time, i agreed 101% with that quote. i kept it well, and made it one of my strongest base. well, i've been stuck in a silly point, where i thought i wasn't mature enough. but deep inside my head, i believed i was nowhere close to immaturity. i believed i just found out a weakness point, and i was ready to change it and be a better person. closer to maturity.
bullshit.
more knowledges would bring you closer to the truth. the truth, that you know nothing at all.
so, allow me change the quote..
as time goes by, we learn that even one person that we won't ever let down, probably will get knocked out hardest by our own self.
all this time, my thought was firm. maturity is gained, when you learn to suit yourself in any condition, without losing yourself. and when your maturity level, experience and knowledge are enough, you'll learn to control the situation, and don't have to suit yourself anymore, because it will be the one who tries to suit you.
but it isn't that easy, isn't it?
if all i have to do is suit myself to people who change, without losing myself...well, no offense, but i'm pretty good at it. sometimes i can't take it, but i still got it.
but, well..
i change too. it's myself i'm talking about. what, should i get myself used to my own self?
i really envy the people who can answer easily what the wanna do in the future. i envy people who can tell themselves comfortably. every time i do that, i can't stop myself from wondering is that really true?
it's a shame, but i'm cowardly pessimist about understanding my own self. how can i get myself used to myself?
once, my friend suggested me to take psychology major. which made me laughed my ass, because it was so silly. if he was only joking, it was relieving. but if he wasn't..it scared me to death. what have i done, to make him thought so? i really had troubles, that aren't easy to be solved. was i really that good in keeping those troubles away? or was he seeing it crystal clear, and that was the reason he asked me to take psychology? what??
i really don't know how to solve it. i really don't know what i wanna do next. and i don't know whether i want to know or not. maturity...
what is that?
