yesterday, i heard your name mentioned.
not just any name. not just someone who happened to have the same name as yours, but literally yours.
it caught me while i was letting my guard down. it isn't like i forget about you. of course i think about you often, maybe almost every day. but hearing your name mentioned from other people's mouth, loudly, affected me more than I could imagine. I could only stand still, couldn't speak for a while. and just my luck, no one really noticed.
it left me wondering. i am forgiving you, right? i am. i am forgiving you, bit by bit. and i believed i've made a progress on forgiving you. i mean, i am not that bitter anymore.
i'm writing this as a reminder to my own self, that this time, this year, i heard his name. i was shaking unknowingly, and while i am writing now, i am shaking too.
future me, i hope next time you heard his name mentioned...you wouldn't be as shaken as now.
sincerely,
your younger self.
