of course I still think a lot about him. and that's why every time my mind went way too wild, I would just force my eyes to close and drifted away to sleep.
until i met him.
again.
in my dreams.
dreaming is sometimes horrifying. and it's like I was reminded, once again, about the danger of dreaming. and the most dangerous ones are not the nightmares, of course.
if only it were plain nightmares.
i would live on, as nothing happened. it was just a dream, for Hypnos sake.
but it was beautiful, way too realistic dream. you know, the kind of dreams, once you awoke, you thought that really happened. when you remembered the dream, you thought that was you memory from the days before. that kind of dream, is a real killer.
at least i'm still alive. if I remembered how i reacted when I first got such dream about him...what a chaos. remember? that little act was the starter of them all. i snapped, contacted him directly and confronted him for real, saying we shouldn't meet anymore. he made his move, i made mine...and look how far we came.
i should be quite proud of myself, shouldn't i? at least i wasn't that reckless anymore. i didn't come begging to his knees or whatever. i even successfully kept my contact with him as usual, like friends we really are. i think i'm still strong.
although i did nearly lose my mind. you know, usual tear drops suddenly without control. unstoppable smile an giggle. sudden lump in your chest that made the breathing kinda difficult to do. sudden outburst of loud laugh. when your chest didn't hurt but did that thing, when it got so bitter you head ached. super focus and strength from your adrenaline, I guess.
you know, usual stuff you have when you live.
yeah, that's all i'm gonna say for now, maybe. i need to keep this light, you know. this is a blog to entertain me and my friends, so, filtered
anyhow, i wish my future self could refer to which memory is this. i should have written the more revealing, slightly emo version in my other blog...but i forget what the password and the email are. pfft. work more, you brain of my future self!
prost,
ela.
